by Motavenda Melchizedek
Note: "This is a work in progress...I am writing, adding to, and editing this piece as I learn more about 'The Law of Attraction' as well as my own core emotions that led to this brutal experience."
Page 9
I look at a picture of Duchess and I can only cry. And I think of Brutus and the other dogs...and how their days are numbered. I think of how it may come to pass that no one comes in time for them. And how I wish I could take them or help them more. I think of how more will be brought in next week. And the week after. And the week after that.
I wish I knew where they went when they died and if they were ok after such a confusing experience. I pray that I will learn soon about these things. About God and how everything works around the world of animals. I found out recently that animals do not have souls like we do, but rather only a physical and a spirit body. So, I hope they are free of injury once they pass. I hope they are purified by God from all the harm they have faced.
I wonder why God would let them be born into such a world as this.
.....
My thoughts after my friend Duchess was killed at the shelter last night...When I look at our collective relationship to the animal kingdom, it is hard not to see how much we still have to learn about love...both loving ourselves and loving others. It seems to me that the animals bear the brunt of so much of our self-estrangement and our lack of compassion for our own injured state as humans. They become the objects of our capacity to be cold, uncaring and cruel. These little creatures are so innocent....and totally at our mercy....and someday I hope to be in a world where that has finally become safe, lovely and kind place for all of them to dwell.
Rather than turning away because it is too scary to look at, I think it is healing to look and to see and start from where we are. To just face it and feel all of our feelings no matter how painful they are. When I heard this news today I knew not to ask any more questions or to cry inside...so I went out with another pup to walk and sob for my innocent friend. I wondered if she knew? If she was afraid? I had no idea when I was walking with her just yesterday and when I whispered, "Don't give up. Just hang in there a little longer. Your family is bound to come for you soon." It is heartbreaking that anyone would feel they "need" to kill another earthling. That's why I stopped eating meat and animal products recently. It helps me to stop being a part of all of these unloving things that are taking place between humans and the animals God created who I do not believe we have the right to kill. No matter what we may have been taught or told or come to believe. It is so obviously unloving. What I always noticed most about Miss Duchess was how she would stop many times during our walks to look back toward the shelter...worried that her "owner" would return for her and that she would not be there to great them. So utterly loyal after everything. As though she could not comprehend not remaining loyal even though she had been brought to a shelter and left there. Dogs are amazing....they are so pure and so good. They have an awful lot to teach humanity.
'
My friend Duchess
.....
Today I saw the most horrifying picture of a starving dog who was rescued in this article here.
I am so haunted by this. It is unbearable...the conditions so many of the animals in our world are facing in this very moment. I am committed in my soul to continue to grow in love and to be willing to face the truth of what is going on here...more and more...until I see a world where every earthling is living in sanctuary and kindness. It is nearly beyond comprehension what we as humans have become capable of in our wounded state.
Today I felt so overwhelmed emotionally at the sight of the enormity of the horrors animals face in our world. I have always been aware of this truth on the periphery, but because I was still eating them, I could not feel true compassion. Now that I have stopped eating meat and animal products, I am so deeply grieving what I see and know and feel about these beautiful innocent spirits and how enormous the cruelty they endure has become on the earth.
I was afraid to go the shelter today because I just had a sense of fear. Fear of bringing up these things and how hated I have been all my life for discussing things that are forbidden to bring light to. I had received some weird energy about posting some of the pups stories and pictures, and it just opened me up to be aware of how many energies, both human and spirit, are invested in holding the space for these things to continue into eternity. And I just felt overwhelmed for everyone. For all of us.
When I got to the shelter, I was given a young darling pup named Ebony to take on a walk. She is pure love. That is all she expresses. And I was holding her while she covered my face in kisses and I asked her, "Why?"
"Why did she come here? Why did we come here. When there is so much cruelty? When there was such a high likelihood that we would be so hurt? Why would God allow this place of such darkness to continue when so many suffer?" And she just kept kissing me and loving me. And I knew that we had come to this world to bring love. Because it was lost to so much of humanity. And I felt how scared I have been all my life. Knowing this. And I felt so lucky to have her loving me in that moment. And I felt how there is so much I don't understand about these things. And I felt as vulnerable as I felt as a child. I felt as vulnerable as this darling little girl. With numbered days. So open. So filled with hope in the midst of so much darkness.
...
I know I am processing a lot of emotions as I walk toward these places and as I do what I want in terms of spending time with these precious creatures. I cannot help them. I cannot save them. I cannot awaken the world around me. I can only show up, spend some time walking with and petting and holding them and move through my feelings and release all the pain and sorrow I have for what I have endured, what they are enduring, and for what I have been a part of in my choice to not look in the past.
I have felt paralyzed to face the truth. Terrified to help the helpless. Brutalized for having cared about myself...and any other suffering spirit.
I will keep growing. I will cry about it until I have released this pain and sorrow and I will come to a place on the other side where I can feel compassion and live in truth and know everything and not be so afraid. I will keep moving into more consciousness even though I am frightened of what might happen to me for feeling.
It is the only path for me now.
I just watched "Hotel Rwanda" and see again how huge the expression of our collective self-alienation is and how much we have to heal. I think of my animal friends and how I want to do more. I decide to post a message....
My wish and my prayer is that we might come together as a community to help the animals that our shelter is unable to help further. Whether that be through providing temporary homes, more resources or support in other ways. I am not sure why our local shelter is a kill shelter still and I want to help to alleviate the circumstances that are creating this while also respecting and honoring the work they do. I know they do so much there for so many animals. I see it everyday I go to walk dogs there. They are feeding, sheltering, cleaning up after and giving much love to our furry friends. I see how hard everyone there works and how dedicated they are to help in such overwhelming circumstances. I am not sure how we can support them and the good work there...and bring even more love and support to everyone involved so that we can address the elements of the equation that have us believing as a community that we have no choice but to euthanize so many. I feel in my heart that we can bring forward the support and resources needed to evolve what we have already created into something even better for everyone involved. I am not sure where this conversation has gone in the past. But I would love to hear ideas others have. I was so sad to discover my new friend Duchess had been euthanized. She was delightful and kind and I feel in my soul that I want to do more to help these animals. It seems to me to be totally possible to do more. Any ideas out there?
My hope is to get a dialog going. I feel like there is plenty of love and more than enough resources to remedy this killing and lack of support that is present now that is feeding this unloving circumstance.
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